Opinion by Nigel Pfunde
For starters co-parenting is never easy even for parents who live in the same hood!
The situation becomes worse when one parent is in the United Kingdom and the other in Zimbabwe separated by oceans.
As we grew up at high school we would write letters to our girlfriends learning at a faraway boarding school and seal the letter with the pay off line “distance doesn’t separate two hearts that care!
Obviously with the letter sealed with a kiss and dedication of love songs and sprayed with Brutt deodorant.
However, the game changes when you become a parent.
The challenge now extends beyond distance.
One has to look at time zones, culture and emotional connection.
It is an open secret that migration to the UK is driven by economic opportunities or better educational prospects as a result of our state of the economy which however the Second Republic under President Mnangagwa is pushing hard to improve with success.
One partner leaves in the hope of providing a stronger financial foundation and while he or she may send money back home there still remains absence of intangible currency i.e parenting, daily presence, shared moments and “Ka that” (umph) to build a strong bond.
I for one study the game and I am loyal to it in all facets that is social ,economic ,political and religious.
In that breadth, I have embraced technology to bridge communication gap and despite the astronomical charges of internet (broadband), I have invested in frequent video calls and sharing photos and bringing back those funny jokes I used to share with my daughter to maintain bond.
No amount of oceans can break my bond with Maitaishe Kayla!
Panoda chimutactic (You need strategy)
The major hindrance is time zones.
Naturally, when the UK-based parent is finally home from work, it is often bedtime in Zimbabwe.
Conversations are rushed and the small everyday interactions helping with homework are lost in translation.
Basic sociology taught us that children thrive on routine and familiarity but a parent they only see on a screen can start to feel like a visitor in their lives.
This might result in the child forming a deeper emotional bond with the parent who is physically present.
I however do not think it’s a matter of love being diminished but of shared life happening in real time rather than on phone calls.
Like rapper Eve the First Lady of the Ruff Ryders clique said “Love is blind and it can take over minds’ in her song of the same name (Rest in Peace DMX!)
For some and not all UK-based parents this reality can bring feelings of guilt and helplessness but pane vamwe zvigogodera (there are some hard nuts).
Another challenge for the Zimbabwe based parent is the perception that the UK based parent’s financial contribution outweighs their daily sacrifices.
But how do you expect someone staying in a rent seeking economy to send money to the UK unless maybe one is a tendeprenuer but most of us are “foolish” not to be such if I’m to quote a local business magnate’s sentiments.
I also believe and have noticed that another complication lies in cultural drift.
A UK-based parent may adopt new cultural habits and expectations that do not always align with the Zimbabwean home environment.
Children being naturally keen observers might notice and sometimes take advantage of these differences further straining the co-parenting dynamic.
To make this arrangement work, both parents must be intentional about their efforts.
Presence is not just physical but emotional.
Children must be taught to know rukuvhute(their roots)
‘The base determines the superstructure’ reads one Marxist theory.
Peace out!!
