Opinion by Nyari Chuma
Ask a Zimbabwean man how he is doing, and you will get the same two words almost every time. “I’m fine.” Said quickly, often before the question is finished. It’s reflex more than answer and for a troubling number of men, it’s a lie.
June is Men’s Mental Health Month a good moment to ask why that lie has become so automatic, and what it’s costing us.
Where the silence comes from
Zimbabwean boys grow up learning that strength means not flinching. Provide, endure, don’t complain that’s the job description handed down before most boys can spell their surnames. “Indoda ayikhali,” the saying goes. A man does not cry. Add the imported “man up” and you have got a culture that trains its men to wall off the one thing that might save them the ability to say they are struggling.
The numbers behind the silence
Between June and August 2024, Bulawayo recorded 21 suicides 20 of them men. At Mpilo Central Hospital, 38 men attempted suicide in two months earlier this year, more than triple the previous year’s figure.
These aren’t statistics. They are fathers who didn’t come home, sons their mothers are still waiting on.
Yet there’s no national programme for men’s mental health. Add Zimbabwe’s brutal unemployment where a man’s worth is measured by what he provides and you get a generation carrying shame they were never equipped to name.
Why men don’t ask for help
The barriers are consistent, shame, cultural expectation, fear of job loss, and limited awareness. Many men don’t recognise depression they call it stress, tiredness, a bad patch. Anything but its name.
Biggest lie: the bottle as a substitute!
Where there’s no outlet men build their own. Alcohol, mutoriro, Broncleer cheap and easy, they numb pain nobody taught these men to talk about. It works for a while. Then it doesn’t. Dependency, broken marriages, sometimes worse and the original wound sits untouched underneath.
This challenged of taking the bottle as a sanctuary has permeated all social strata…from the rich to the poor!
Men take a hypothetical alternative to the harsh realities of life and take to the bottle where they get temporary comfort.
However, when one gets sober it’s back to reality,the problems remain to that is why it is important to share and not remain silent.
Silence is not golden in this case!
The people trying to change this
Zimpapers’ “Men to Men Indaba” builds platforms for honest talk. The Jathaniel Foundation’s “You Are Not Alone” proves men talking to men, without verdict, can crack open doors. The Friendship Bench shows peer support saves lives at a fraction of formal care costs.
These programmes work. The problem is reach.
What needs to happen
Pastors, traditional leaders, football club owners councillors, MPs all have access to men who will never walk into a clinic. That access is leverage, and it’s mostly going to waste.
If you are worried about someone who’s gone quiet ask him directly. Sit with the answer, even if it’s “I’m fine.” Ask again next week.
If you or someone you know is struggling, talk to someone you trust, or reach out to a mental health professional. Nobody has to carry this alone.
Nyari Chuma is a UK-based mental health expert and certified menopause and andropause coach, supporting clients through hormonal life transitions that affect emotional resilience in both men and women. She writes in her personal capacity. This piece is published during Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month (June) a campaign she actively supports to challenge outdated stigmas and encourage men to view therapy as a tool for strength, not shame.
1 comment
Thus true , most man we do everything for the family to survive. On some situation man risk their life for them to archive a goal . Dangerous or hard to do ,we just do do for the family to get a living .