Divorce is the end of a marriage between two parties but not the end of parenting in instances were kids are involved.Sounds clear enough right? No,many instances have shown that for many divorced parents the line between those two things gets blurred. Due to one reason or another it is often the case that habits take time to wear off,emotions linger and before you know it,what should be a clear co-parenting partnership becomes a confusing tangle of unresolved issues, mixed messages and stress.
The truth of the matter is that co-parenting after a union is dissolved works best when boundaries are not only set but respected and adhered to.Without such an arrangement there is a very high risk of tensions being the order of the day as compared to peace and harmony and ultimately the child/children you’re both working hard to raise end up caught in the crossfire,much like how the grass suffers when elephants fight.
More often than not boundaries are misunderstood as one party being cold to the other or wanting to “cut them off” Its neither actually,these are just guidelines that aid both parents to show up consistently, calmly and clearly with the best intentions for their child/children. The aim of setting and respecting boundaries is to reduce parental conflict and promote mutual respect.
For instance communication boundaries might entaile sticking to agreed check-ins for the child/children and not just random texts or calls, exceptions obviously being in the event of an emergency.While parenting boundaries might involve agreeing not to criticize each other’s rules in front of the child/children or interfere during the other parent’s agreed time with the child/children.
There are also cases when boundaries are set but broken down,the most common cause being cases when one parent tries to control or “correct” the other. Its natural to have disagreements on routines, disciplinary measures ,amount of time on the television or even bedtimes but unless there’s abuse or neglect involved, co-parenting is not about micromanaging the other.The child/children should feel safe and loved in both homes,they don’t need you(the parents) to be best friends ,no,just respectful teammates.
Its key that children see their parents drawing respectful lines, managing differences maturely and keeping personal drama out of parenting.
Co-parenting in itself is no walk in the park ,its probably the hardest thing to do but the most important.
Clinging to the past or trying to control or govern someone you are no longer involved with only makes it harder. Boundaries are how you move forward. They are how you protect your peace, your child/children’s well-being and your co-parenting relationship.
Its never about winning or losing,its just the need for clarity, structure and mutual respect. And most of all, the freedom for the kid(s) to just be— not to be used as a pon to referee, send subtle messages of fix past scores…NO,Just kids
Thats how it should be innit… Signing out, 90 Sane
